Delicious Uncertainty

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“Tell me all about it,” Judith said with wide-eyed enthusiasm, we met at a function a few months before and finally reconnected. I knew she was a good person right away; I felt it in my bones. Both Judith and I are planning events in the same season, and we’ve tried to be supportive of one another. But I hit a snag in the road, my ticket sales stalled and I felt stuck, so I reconnected with Judith for some advice.

“It’s going okay,” I mumbled trying to convince myself taking a quick sip of my coffee. I decided to come clean and leveled with her. “Look. Truth is, I don’t know if I’m doing this right.”

She listened intently and even finished some of my sentences.

“I called, met with them and then…”

“…You didn’t hear back, yeah I know,” she said nodding.

A wave of relief came over me.

“Yes, exactly! What am I doing wrong?”

“Nothing. You seem like you’re doing the right things.”

And then she described the challenges she was facing. As she continued, my body rocked with nervous excitement. She understood. She really understood. I had found a kindred spirit in Judith.

We both left our coffee meeting that day recharged and a little less deflated. And I left with another understanding. I realized I’m living with uncertainty. Oh, the agony of uncertainty. The not knowing. The elongated pauses. The appearance of nothingness.

It’s awful.

Getting from where you are to where you want to be seems thrilling when you have a plan. I thought I packed appropriately for anything. I was even ready to deal with shame gremlins that told me I couldn’t do it, but uncertainty … it’s awful.

Did I mention that?

So there in the middle of the coffee shop, I pulled out my notebook and tried to shed some light on my situation. Without thinking I wrote:

  • I am certain I am doing the best I can.
  • I am committed to this cause.
  • I am certain that I will see this through, even it’s just me and my husband sitting in a conference room.

I then realized that it all tied back to a seed I planted earlier this year. I said my one word would be resilience. I knew then I needed to learn how to bounce back, how to cope with stress and adversity, my stick-to-it-ness. I needed to work on my “grit” muscle. Well, here it is!

Me and my big mouth!

It sounds good when you say it, living it is just, ugh. I won’t say it.

Cheryl Strayed said it best in, Wild, she writes, “I knew that if I allowed fear to overtake me, my journey was doomed. Fear, to a great extent, is born of a story we tell ourselves, and so I chose to tell myself a different story from the one women are told. I decided I was safe. I was strong. I was brave. Nothing could vanquish me.”

So here I am feasting on delicious uncertainty while flexing my resilience muscle. I see fear over in the corner but I won’t let that bastard win.

How do you cope with uncertainty?

Here’s a promo video completed for the conference, let me know what you think. And if you’re on Google, subscribe to the channel.

Having the Gift of Good-bye Means…

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Guest Post by Franchesca Warren

There are people who can walk away from you. And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you: let them walk.

I don’t want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone. When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.

The Bible said that, they came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us. [1 John 2:19]

People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can’t make them stay.

Let them go.

And it doesn’t mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you’ve got to know when people’s part in your story is over so that you don’t keep trying to raise the dead.

You’ve got to know when it’s dead.

You’ve got to know when it’s over. Let me tell you something. I’ve got the gift of good-bye. It’s the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in good-bye. It’s not that I’m hateful, it’s that I’m faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He’ll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don’t need it. Stop begging people to stay.

Let them go!!

If you are holding on to something that doesn’t belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to . . . . . . . .

LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to past hurts and pains . . . . . . . . .

LET IT GO!!!

If someone can’t treat you right, love you back, and see your worth . . . . . . . .

LET IT GO!!!

If someone has angered you . . . . . . . .

LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge . . . . . . . .

LET IT GO!!!

If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction . . . . . . . .

LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents . . . . . . . . .

LET IT GO!!!

If you have a bad attitude . . . . . . . .

LET IT GO!!!

If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better . . . . . . . .

LET IT GO!!!

If you’re stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new level in Him . . . . . . . .

LET IT GO!!!

If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship . . . . . . . .

LET IT GO!!!

If you keep trying to help someone who won’t even try to help themselves . . . . . . . .

LET IT GO!!!

If you’re feeling depressed and stressed . . . . . . . .

LET IT GO!!!

If there is a particular situation that you are so used to handling yourself and God is saying “take your hands off of it,” then you need to . . . . . . . .

LET IT GO!!!

Let the past be the past Forget the former things. GOD is doing a new thing for 2014!!!

LET IT GO!!!

Get Right or Get Left. think about it, and then . . . . . . . .

LET IT GO!!!

“The Battle is the Lord’s!”

 You can find more of Franchesca‘s inspiring thoughts by following her on Twitter. 

Redemption Song

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“You did what?” Quinton asked in disbelief. “I’m a little confused, what does deleting his number do?”

“It severs one line of communication,” I replied matter-of-factly.

I reconnected with my biological father about a year ago and decided recently that it’s probably best that we go our separate ways. My husband knows that I’m notorious for self-protecting and that I believe cutting all lines of communication is most effective in such matters.

Don’t judge me.

Honestly, I felt like a walking contradiction. In one breath I was growing through the process of forgiving him (because he asked for it) and then in another breath I realized that I haven’t forgiven myself for being so hard on me about my emotions when it comes to him.  I thought healing was happening but it was really denial – for us both.

Why is it so easy to forgive other people but not yourself?

“I know me,” I responded confidently to my husband. “…seeing his number in my phone will only tempt me to call and I’m done feeling rejected.”

Truth is I deleted his number on an impulse and yes, I found that I was the one doing all of the outreach. It was disappointing. The last few times that we did speak, the conversation felt forced like I was an imposition. I think I’ve always experienced this when it came to him.

Maybe if I called more often, sent pictures of the kids, put cards in the mail. . . . he’d love me. I was trying to think as an adult but really behaving like the 4 year-old version of myself that felt abandoned by him. I was changing myself for him, again.

I didn’t like it.

There was no forgiveness there. Who was I fooling?!  But I sang that song of denial proudly, “Yes, I now have a relationship with my father.” I even had the nerve to sit boldly and wait for phone calls that seldom came, all the while refusing to articulate my feelings or expectations, trying desperately to endear myself to him.

Lies.

I had a breakthrough last week (convenient, right?!) but it’s true. I experienced a movement that has caused a significant shift in my thinking and now I’m no longer seeing this situation as the 4 year-old Cece who believes she was a victim of her circumstance.

I needed to reclaim my power.  I needed to show myself a little more compassion. I needed a new song to sing.

By waiting on him to call, to respond and show up in my life the way I thought he should was 4 year-old Cece’s expectation. . . . I gave my power away.

Truth.

I’m not saying that I’m completely done. I’m in a different place now ( I hold no ill feelings) and I have perspective, that’s a powerful thing. It was a failed relationship. It happens. I can’t get what the other person does not have or is not willing to give…. and I’m okay with that.

There’s no need to self-protect anymore because I’ve got my own back  (always have) and I’m singing a new song of redemption. This time the forgiveness is for me.