The Value of Self-Worth…

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“Your value does not decrease based upon someone’s inability to see your true worth.”

“How much is this?” I heard behind me. Without skipping a beat, the sales clerk said evenly, “Is there a tag on it, ma’am?” A few seconds of awkward silence passed and the woman responded unconvinced, “… but is this really the price?” The sales clerk and I locked eyes, and I offered an empathetic smile.

How often has this happened to us? We present our best to the world, and it’s somehow perceived that the value of it is negotiable. That what we’re offering may be too much for what they had in mind or not enough and does not meet their expectations.

It’s as simple as this, people either add or take away from your life and if they’re trying to devalue you then they’re not making things better for you. Having your worth questioned might not be obvious so be mindful of what is happening around you.

If you believe you have to shrink yourself to fit in, you’re discounting yourself.
If you are afraid of not being liked or accepted by an individual or group of people, you’re discounting yourself.
If you’re underappreciated in any scenario (and you know when you are) and yet continue to operate in that capacity, you’re discounting yourself.

It doesn’t matter what you’ve done in the past or what has happened. You’re the only one who can maintain your self-worth.

The adage is true; we do teach people how to treat us. When I finally made the decision to take better care of myself, I began attracting like-minded people. Ambitious people. And I find that the more I operate in a space that grounds me in His word, He sends angels to protect me and remind me of who I am.

My self-worth is not tied to what I see in this world.
Your self-worth is not tied to what you see in this world either.

So the store clerk? Well, it turns out she was the owner of the boutique and she said to the customer with the sweetest southern drawl, “ma’am, there is no discount. That is a good price and the price stands.”

She saw the value in the product she offered and stood her ground because she knew she was worth it.

Enjoying the hum …

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I’m flawed. I make mistakes. Like, all the time. All. The. Time.

For a while there, I couldn’t see past them which prevented me from doing the things I love — like writing. I would pour my heart into a piece I wrote only to later (at times much-much later) find a typo or a poorly phrased sentence, and it would discourage me, so I would stop writing. I took it too seriously and wouldn’t dare publish or share anything until I believed it to be perfect, and you know what happened? Nothing. Nothing happened for ten years. TEN YEARS! All in fear of being judged or talked about or having the topic of my discourse weighed in the court of public opinion. The sad realization is that I cannot recoup the time I lost in not doing the thing I love. The good news is there’s no time like the present to pick up where I left off and just push forward. I use to be in love with the final product, and it got me nowhere; now I’m in love with the process. Hitting the backspace, trying to find a better word, re-reading what I wrote to see if it conveys my thoughts. I changed my thinking, and now I freely write from the perspective of a person who is flawed. 

It’s the same rhythm that you find in baking bread and feeling the silkiness of the flour in your hands or painting and relishing the sound of the brush strokes against the canvas, or crunching numbers, surveying the whole spreadsheet and working through the details to reach an end. It can be found in gardening, reading elementary age children essays, making widgets at a factory, and even driving a city bus. The joy is not necessarily in the end rather it’s in the hum of it all. Do you enjoy the hum? Do you enjoy the hum enough to be imperfect at it?

Consider this: making mistakes is better than faking perfection any day of the week. The adage is true; perfection is the enemy of good, and I’ve learned that done is better than perfect. Are you waiting on perfect to make something happen in your life? The conditions will never be better than right here …right now. Do the thing. Make mistakes but above all else, enjoy the hum.

Your Destiny Is Too Important To Give Up . . .

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“Waiting on the other side of temptation, waiting on the other side of this test is everything you ever dreamed, everything you prayed for, everything He promised you.”  ~Kevin LeVar, Your Destiny

What does it take for true transformation to happen? I’m talking about change that helps you remain authentic to who you are, shifts the narrative of your story while running the risk of creating discomfort and possibly alienating the people around you?

I mentioned a few months ago that I’m embarking on a new adventure, and just the mere thought of it made me nauseous. Well, I’m doing it. I mentioned earlier this year I started a media company and now am undertaking my first big endeavor.

I’m hosting a one-day women’s conference this fall in Atlanta, Georgia.

The Uninvited Guest

When I began writing the business plan for the conference several months ago, the “shame gremlins” as Dr. Brene Brown calls them came from everywhere. Shame gremlins exist for one reason only: to keep us small. To prevent us from living whole lives, to stop us from stepping into our destiny. I heard overwhelmingly:

“Who do you think you are?”
“Nobody’s going to come!”
“Who’s going to speak at YOUR conference?”
“How are you financing this?”

Little did those shame gremlins know, I’ve been in what Dr. Brown describes as ninja warrior training mode because I knew they would show up – they always do.

While I haven’t defeated all of the gremlins, I’ve successfully eliminated quite a few of them and managed to quiet the others – for now. I put my intention out into the universe, and you know what happened? People began to show up. One by one, day-by-day, and it’s been an amazing experience.

Why The Conference

As a mom of 4 and with a child with special needs, I take Conference postertremendous pride in caring for my family. I love my children. I love my husband. But there was emptiness in me that I couldn’t explain. I thought through this blog I could carve out a little niche for myself, and while it did help, I still felt something was missing. When I began talking with my other mom friends and listening to their stories. I heard the same lament over and over again:

“No time for me.”
“Love my family, but I need a break.”
“I wouldn’t know what to do with myself if I DID have time to myself.”

…and that’s just skimming the surface.

I didn’t know what to do initially with these stories; I mulled over it for years — 2 years exactly, and then I got my answer. I decided to create a platform where women could feel comfortable talking about their stories. I wanted a judge free zone, where the common denominator was self-care for moms.

The transformative aspect in all of this is that my circle of friends and associates get to see me in a new light. Some don’t understand it; most of them do. For the former group, taking on the risk of owning a business and now managing an event is crazy and stressful. They know I have a demanding career and major responsibilities at home.

I get that.

For the friends in the latter group, they understand that gnawing feeling inside which tells you that you’re capable of doing more with what you’ve been given. It’s the…

“I’ve got to try this”

“no regrets”

“all or nothing”

“I’m all in”

…talk that we often give one another and yet when it’s time to act upon it, we do nothing.

I’m done talking.

I’ve got to try this. No, regrets. It’s all or nothing. I’m all in.

I’m extending my warmest invitation for you to take a look at the conference site. Sign up for the newsletter to stay connected and learn about other moms and their stories and even share your own. You never know who YOU may inspire.

I’ll see you there.

You Put Your Right Hand In, You Take Your Right Hand Out…

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I stumbled across an interesting image on the blogosphere some time ago. It’s the picture of two different sized circles, the smaller of the two is labeled “Your comfort zone” and the larger one labeled, “Where the magic happens.”

I’m pretty sure you’ve seen it.Komfortzone

 

 

 

 

 

 

There are different versions of it, but the message is the same.

Several weeks ago, I wanted to see what would happen if I left my comfort zone only for a minute and the result was not what I expected.

I wanted to start a Twitter chat.

Seems simple enough, right? You pick a hashtag, a day of the week, tell folks about it and then you’re up and running.

Bada bing! Bada boom!

Well, it’s not that simple. You see, for every Twitter chat happening there are probably dozens more going on at the same time, on the same day. At least that what I told myself as I took the first step.

So, I didn’t do it.

Then something happened. It was like I was on autopilot. I came up with my hashtag, picked a day of the week, time, and decided upon a frequency.

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I’ve been on Twitter, every Wednesday from Noon to 1pm Eastern Time at the hashtag #wymnchat.

The first time, I was pretty sure I would be talking to myself. I started tweeting, and before I knew it, someone showed up.

Recap of first Twitter chat  - we learned so much.

Recap of first Twitter chat – we learned so much.

The second time, I was still unsure but pressed on, and it was nothing but crickets for the first 10 minutes. Then someone showed up, and then another person. And then something said to me, look around you’re outside your comfort zone.

It’s pretty awesome out here – not quite magical but there’s still time yet. After all, that’s what it’s all about.

Join me for #wymnchat next Wednesday. I hope to see you there.

 

Wouldn’t Take Nothing For My Journey Now…

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I’m already living my New Year’s resolutions. I know I’m a little ahead of the curve (okay, way ahead of the curve it’s not even Christmas yet) but I couldn’t wait until 2015. This year went by incredibly fast, and I’ve learned so much during my 40th year on this planet.

I’m not teeming with Christmas cheer or goodwill (although I’ve got my fair share); it’s just that when something clicks, and I get it, I get it. Earlier this year, I made a promise that my 2014 journey would be about self-acceptance. I’m happy to report that my mission… was not accomplished.

You read that correctly. Not accomplished. Nada. Nein. Nope.

Self-acceptance, I’ve learned, is a process based upon choices we make every day; it’s not all or nothing. The question I had to discover the answer to was: could I continue to love and accept myself no matter what happened? Could I treat my failures and successes the same?

It’s not easy.

There’s a beautiful book written by Maya Angelou that reminds Unknownus about the beauty of life, and how to appreciate the curves and bends that we’ll encounter on our journeys. I read the book 15 years ago and recently re-read it and even still, Maya’s words continue to inspire me. So I’m living my new year today, and I know for sure there are three things to which I resolve…and there’s no going back:

    1. I know that I cannot be everything to everyone all the time. I won’t do it to myself, anymore. As helpful and as giving as I try to be, I know that for the sake my sanity I must create boundaries for myself.

2. I know that how I live my life is an extension of the type of person I endeavor to become. I’m constantly changing, growing, learning every day and the moment that I stop learning is the moment I cease to exist. I cease to be a good example to my children. I cease to be a helpmate to my better half. I cease to be a supportive sister and friend. I know that I get to choose every day I wake up. I chose. I decide.

3. I know that I can live a life full of intent and be kinder to myself. I read a quote by Diane von Fürstenberg that said, “when a woman learns to become her own best friend life is easier.” I get that. I love that. I get it now. The same grace that cover the people that I care about also covers me.

You know I’m okay with not totally getting the self-acceptance thing right. I still have some growing to do, and I’m learning that my desires for my life changes with each passing day. I’ve got a lot more living to do; I’ve got more questions to ask.

What about you, dear heart? Was there anything significant that you learned about yourself this year? Anything you’ve learned to accept about yourself? Or sage advice for anyone looking to make changes?

Living My Life Like It’s Golden…

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It’s ‘Why Not’ Wednesday and today’s no fail message is about standing in the sun. Goodness abounds when people around you are doing well. That is to say when good things happen in the lives of the people we care about we are instinctively aware of their happiness. We also become happy.

We’re so good at supporting our loved ones that we have enough faith –an overflow of faith actually– to believe nothing is impossible for them. We believe in them even when they doubt themselves. We may even say:

“There are so many educational options today, you can go back to school.”

“That is a great idea; you should start your business.”

“Hang in there, losing weight is never easy but it’s worth it.”

“I agree, you should ask for a raise – you deserve it.”

It truly is important to surround yourself with positive people.

Consider this for today: every now and again, we need to turn the mirror of veracity on ourselves and provide the same love and support that we offer to others to ourselves. The same shine we deem worthy for our loved ones is the same shine we should give ourselves.

It’s not bragging.

It’s not boasting.

But it is necessary.

The best love we can provide to anyone is a demonstration and commitment for the love we have for ourselves. Authentically doing…living…being our best self and showing ourselves grace and mercy begins the circle of gratitude that surrounds us all.

You deserve to shine.

Stand in the sun.

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I Really Thought I’d Be Much Further Along By Now…

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It’s ‘Why Not’ Wednesday and today’s no fail message is about gaining momentum. Do you remember as kids when running a race, we often took a few steps backward thinking it would help our stride and propel us forward? It seemed logical and instinctive in our juvenile minds that this was a surefire way of getting the boost we needed.

It’s funny how something so clear as kids somehow becomes a hindrance in adulthood. Then, it meant getting ready to run our race, and now taking a few steps backward could be interpreted as … we are not in the race.

But take heart – you are a contender.

In the stride of life there will be setbacks, and getting off our intended path or having to sit on the sidelines for a while or even taking 2 giant steps backward does not mean that you cannot win your race.

The word “backward” should not be made synonymous with a denial… and a step back is not a failure… and not being where you thought you would be at this point in life does not mean you failed.

Stepping back allows you to take a look at the big picture.

Stepping back allows you to confirm your direction.

Stepping back allows you to regain your sanity and composure.

Stepping back, intentional or not, adjusts your timing.

Consider this for today: If you find that you have to take a few steps back to get closer to your goal, do it with the confidence knowing that it’s only temporary and it will help push you forward in the long run.

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