They Say It’s Always Darkest Before Dawn…

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“Change is inevitable, right?” I laughed with my friend, my voice trembling with uncertainty as I opened the blinds of the kitchen window. It was dawn and the only time of day that we could have a long overdue conversation to catch up on family and whatnot without interruption.

“Everything around me has been screaming change for months,” I whispered closing my eyes in exhaustion; each word I spoke felt like it carried weight.

She sighed in agreement because in the past three months alone I have been directly impacted by the death of a friend; heard about breast cancer diagnosis of two moms in my circle; survived a kerfuffle at work; and a homicide on my once quiet street.

Nothing but nonstop fun for this girl.

“Yes, like it or not…change is inevitable,” she responded bringing my thoughts back to focus. “Do you feel caught in the middle of everything that has happened, like you’re being pulled between the light and darkness?”

Interesting question because during the same three-month period, I stood shoulder-to-shoulder with Oprah Winfrey while attending her Life You Want Tour in Atlanta (a total bucket list moment), saw Bishop TD Jakes and other phenomenal speakers at the Woman Thou Art Loose Conference earlier this month, and finally made a decision about something that has been hanging over my head since July.

I began singing softly into the cradle of the phone, “You call me out upon the waters…,” she laughed knowingly because I was singing the lyrics to a song that we dubbed our anthem for 2014.

She joined in.

“No… ” I finally responded interrupting our duet. “I don’t feel caught between anything because I’m always surrounded by light, when I keep my eyes on Him.”

Listen: If we use our surroundings as an indication of the condition of our lives then, we’re setting ourselves up for failure. On the surface, it could appear to be two extremes when both good and not-so-good things happen, but it’s not. That’s life happening to you; it’s not your life.

Now admittedly, the not-so-good things did slow me down, and I got away from many of the things that brought me joy. But somehow the light got in; I sowed seeds without even realizing it. I bought my tickets to Oprah in January; I bought my tickets to Woman Thou Art Loose in March, and since July my environment has been constantly reminding me that I just don’t fit in the places that I use to … and that it’s okay.

A decision was inevitable.

Life, death, sickness, good health, transition, changes, transformation, they all challenge us every day. And every day that we have another opportunity to wake up and fill our lungs should serve as a reminder that His grace is sufficient.

————

“Your grace abounds in deepest waters/Your sovereign hand Will be my guide/Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me You’ve never failed and You won’t start now” Oceans (Where Feet May Fail), Hillsong United

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18 thoughts on “They Say It’s Always Darkest Before Dawn…

      • I could relate so much to your post Cece – life for me over the past 6 months has brought huge changes and with them challenges. But it’s also brought opportunities – one of which is to go the Hillsong Colour Conference next year. In theory it was impossible for all sorts of reasons, but somehow God has made it possible! So glad you got to hear TD Jakes – so inspirational. The Woman Thou Art Loosed Bible is my last thing at night read 🙂
        God Bless You!

      • Hillsong is awesome, right?! The conference looks like it’s going to be an amazing experience, I hope you have the best time. Thanks so much for reading and commenting, please stop by again.

  1. Jackie Saulmon Ramirez

    Change requires energy; the results are equal to our action.

    I like the part about our surroundings… My daughter married last week and moved out so now I begin my journey of reclaiming my home. I had a stroke six years ago and could do very little until I had recovered some ability. My husband would not let me cook and do much of anything. My daughter was as bad as some of those hoarders you see on TV. This week I am tackling things as I can to get the house clean and organized again. The room that was my office was covered in boxes and things they did not know where they go. When I first began sneaking into the kitchen it was so bad I almost cried. The kitchen needs a thorough cleaning and that means scraping things off the counters, walls and appliances. My office… I left it immaculate and now it is so filled that I stand 15 feet away from where I used to sit, unable to even reach my desk.

    I am energized with my new found freedom – in my own home. Thank you for this lovely post!

  2. Beautiful post! His grace is, indeed, sufficient! I have to admit that I had to google the word “kerfuffle.” I didn’t know what it meant! 🙂
    Love TD Jakes and Hillsong! When I’m feeling down, I listen to some some worship music and it always lifts me up.

  3. Thank you! I really needed to read this. I’ve been focusing so much on trying to find the person that I use to be, that I haven’t been truly accepting of the person that ‘I have become.’ Change can be intimidating, but so necessary! Have fun with Oprah!!!!

  4. Wow, my heart goes out to you. I’ve been in that place that’s so overwhelming. But, like you said, keeping your eyes on Him and focusing on the light will see you through. I’m in my own season of transformation, and what no one tells you is that change hurts. Growing hurts. Having your mind renewed and implementing changes as a result is not easy. What I hold on to is that IT IS ALL WORTH IT. It won’t be dark forever. His promises are as consistent as each dawn. Be encouraged my sister.

    • LOL reading your comment reminded me of childbirth. What an experience! No one tells you that transition and transformation hurts. You’re right, Faith –it’s not easy. I know this for sure: change is happening because my season is in. I look forward to what His will reveals for me. You’re so sweet to read and comment.
      Don’t be a stranger.

      • Lol, sometimes I feel like all of these changes I’m going through are just like childbirth! I’m also looking forward to seeing what His will reveals to you, so don’t stop posting!

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