Convenient Lies and Misplaced Truths


Do you speak truth to yourself and others? Now, before you say yes (because we all tend to go with the affirmative without hesitation) really think about what I’m asking. Do. You. Speak. Truth? Or like the old folks would say where I grew up, do you have a “troot mout” – a truth mouth.

To have a “troot mout” is one of the highest compliments a person could receive. It means that unequivocally when you speak, everyone will hear the most accurate representation of truth telling. It also means that you do not deny yourself of what is actually happening around you — and to you– good, bad or indifferent.

This expression came to mind recently because of my own doing. I could hear the words of my grandmother spoken in my head,“Tell da troot to everyone but ‘specially yur-self, ef nawt y’ fa hut yur own feelins” Tell the truth to everyone but especially yourself, if not you only hurt your own feelings.

Ever wanted something so badly but there’s an honest gnawing in your gut telling you that it just won’t happen? I think sometimes we find ourselves fighting our intuition in hopes that our optimism would outweigh disappointment. Sadly, when it comes to certain situations in life, the ‘troot mout’ in us just won’t win. And in the end, we’ve not only lied to ourselves, by setting unrealistic expectations, but are left holding a big hot steaming bag of (cough) disappointment.

So, to get to the lesson behind a “troot mout” here’s what we should consider:

Truth #1 – Say exactly what you feel. Get rid of pent up frustration or anger or resentment.

Truth #2 – Be open to feedback. Sometimes people are trying to tell you things that may not be pleasant but if you trust the source, then consider the message.

Truth #3 – Be judicious with flattery. Everyone is not deserving of your praise or your time.

Truth #4 – Set boundaries. Engage on a level that‘s comfortable to you, establishing boundaries is perfectly acceptable.

There are other ‘troot mout’ lessons to be shared, I’m sure. What would you add to this list?

16 thoughts on “Convenient Lies and Misplaced Truths

  1. “Troot Mout” – I will never forget this expression! Outstanding. I also like your Truths, but to be truthful (!), I can sometimes not get past #1. “Exactly what you feel” sometimes needs a filter – and I often forget my filter 😦

  2. Yes indeed, at least you’re being honest. I often find myself holding back my words to appease others…they walk away feeling great and I’m left with a bit tongue and hurt feelings. No mas!

  3. Good read.
    Truth #5: Timing is everything — It’s great to be honest and truthful. Understanding the when and where to disclose your honesty, will give your words more meaning to those listening.

  4. Awesome! As i read the post – i had (in my mind’s eye) vivid image of “La Bocca della Verita”, the marble face in Rome which is presumably the world’s oldest lie detector…

  5. Wonderful reminder! Thanks for visiting my site. I will add a life-altering experience from my life. (Those we deeply love have the ability to pull, drag, yank (!) the best out of us.)

    My daughter and I had a major break in our relationship several years ago. She was in college at the time. We did not speak for over a year – most painful experience of my life. Although my personal experience (my supposed “troot”) told me that she was fighting some serious psychological/emotional issues (in fact, true), and she appeared unreasonable (my truth, not hers) and downright mean too (again MY truth), when I dug deeper – with the help of a joint visit to her therapist – I learned something VERY important. (Sorry for the long intro here . . . . .!)

    My lesson: Listen for the “kernel of truth” in someone’s message. This is the part you can validate (even if it sounds crazy at first). This is a completely new level of truth.

    I have learned that, at least with those I love deeply, it is never appropriate to be 100% “right” (whatever that is), no matter how crazy they may sound. This requires something so difficult: realizing that there is no real truth, only each person’s truth. We all want to be right, and our minds often selectively listen and miss the subtleties that can illuminate our weaknesses.

    Bonus Lesson: With one’s children, it is so important to validate their truths, even when that is threatening to one’s own truth.

    • What a wonderful gift you left here. . . I was moved by your response. As a mom, you’re right I will take your advice with me as I rear my own children. As a daughter/sister/niece you’re right again, sometimes the very things that we hold on to and it becomes our “troot” may seem crazy to others but it does go a long way if someone validates our feelings. I sincerely thank you again, Kim — please stop by again.

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