The “Sweetest” Dear John Letter Ever


Every girl has a first love. For some, it’s the boy next door or a celebrity crush. For others it’s the high school quarterback or captain of the football team. For me it was slightly different.

As far back as I could remember we were in love. It was kismet.

I remember the day I realized that we were destined to be together (as far as destinies could go).  I was 5.

I was playing kickball in front of my house with friends when my aunt called me over for a treat.

“Here,” she said handing me an attractively shaped glass bottle. It was cold. There was a dark liquid floating on the inside. It smelled sweet. I took a sip. I saw fireworks.

“Wow, what’s this?” I asked between sips.

“It’s soda.”

“Soda?” I said the word slowly to stamp it on my brain. “It’s good,” I finished, drinking more and smiling deeply.

I was hooked.

Little did I know that the love of my life could take many forms: I found it in the candy bar on the kitchen counter later that day, in the cornbread with the beans we had for dinner that night; hell, it was even in the cereal I ate the next morning at breakfast.

I was in love with sugar.

We continued our love affair all through my teenage years and twenties. I couldn’t get enough. When I woke up in the mornings, I had sugar with my coffee. During lunch and dinner I drank suh-weet tea. And every now and again, I had a few tablespoons of chunky monkey before I went to bed “just for something a little sweet.”

Now in my thirties, I realize that this love affair must end. My metabolism isn’t what it used to be and the pounds have started to catch me. But how do you break up with sugar?

How about a text? Hi Sugar – TTYL.


Email? Hey Sugar – it’s been real. Peace.

Nah doesn’t quite cut it; after all our love affair was real.

What about an old fashioned ‘Dear John’ letter that goes something like this:

Dear Sugar – By the time you get this letter I’ll be gone. I treasure the time we’ve spent together. You’ve been my best friend when times were hard, my comforter, my rock and greatest lover. But through it all I also realize that you enabled debilitating habits. I became dependent on you and as a result I didn’t confront my issues. I was in denial. I thought I could control us, I know now that I can’t. And so the best thing to do is to just end this.

I’ve seen what you’ve done to others, the increase in weight, contributor to anxiety, depression, migraines and even links to cancer. Hah. I’m just glad I’m able to see you for what you really are. It’s going to be hard because you’re everywhere. Even places that claim to be sugar free, they’re lying — I know you’ll be there, waiting. So I’ll avoid those places too.

Your life will go on. There are countless others out there that want your time. You should give it to them. You won’t even miss me. But know that you’ll always have a special place in my heart, just not my bloodstream….anymore.  I wish you well.

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